You can't motorboat a personality
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
this will be a night to untag.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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