He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
