I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
its liver damage thursday
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
