i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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