been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
