i think my mom watched the whole time
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i will never coherently bang her
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
