So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I fill condoms, not promises.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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