there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
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I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
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Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
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