It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
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I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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