I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
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He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
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Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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