I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
