How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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