If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
