Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
