this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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