It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
