He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
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I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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