Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
