I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
