Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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