So drunk its hurt
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
