3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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