my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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