Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
