i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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