I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.