final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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