Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is