well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
