i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
