he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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