THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
