recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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