Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Four minutes until I can fart!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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