Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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