first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
