you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The Olympian is in my bed
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