david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
