can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
