If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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