She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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