Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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