Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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