I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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