Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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