remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
