i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
