dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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