I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
