Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
