3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
