Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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