i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
