She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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