Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
