it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
