think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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