i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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