im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize