All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
