Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
