Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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