i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
