I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
