found the other keg... it's in the tree
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
