wanna go halves on a baby?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
