You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
