Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We have started to decorate penises.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize
