I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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