Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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