see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
