I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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