Why are handjobs necessary in class?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
