love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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