i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
